If you’re currently going through a breakup, there’s a certain question that might be on your mind…
“Should I have sex with my ex?”
The answer to that question is complicated. For starters, it depends on what you want. Are you trying to get your ex back? Are you thinking sleeping with your ex might help the two of you reconnect? Or do you know it’s over, but just want to have a little fun because you’ve been horny as hell ever since the two of you broke up?
In general, you probably shouldn’t have sex with your ex. It usually just delays the inevitable.
As you ponder the question of sleeping with your ex, let’s look at some of the pros and cons of ex sex…
Reasons you might find yourself in bed with your ex include:
1. It’s comfortable. When you’re emotionally vulnerable, it’s sometimes easier to stick with the person you know (even if they hurt you) rather than risk opening yourself up to being hurt by someone else.
2. It’s easy. You already know what sex is like with your ex. You know what they like. They know what you like. It’s not awkward; it’s easy. So if the sex is good, why not, right?
3. It makes you feel less “slutty” than a one-night stand would. When you have sex with your ex, you get to have “casual sex” and get laid without waking up the next morning thinking, “Who the hell is that next to me and what did I do with them last night?”
4. You still love them and secretly hope sex makes everything better. When you’re going through a breakup, having sex with your ex allows you to hold onto a piece of them. For a moment, that may be all you need, but eventually the relationship will fall apart again if sex is all you have going for you.
Reasons you probably shouldn’t sleep with your ex include:
1. It prevents you from getting on with your life. As I already mentioned, having sex with your ex doesn’t repair your relationship. The same problems will still exist. All it really does is delay the inevitable.
2. It can create a lot more drama. What happens when you think the sex means something, but your ex thinks it’s “just sex”. All of a sudden, you’re hurt even more and the drama increases tenfold.
3. You can only lie to yourself for so long. It’s easy to justify sex with your ex. “I’ll just do it this one time to see if I still have feelings.” “It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just sex.” “It’s just for fun because we are both horny.” “I’m ok with this arrangement.” Eventually, you find out you’re not ok with the situation. You can only lie to yourself and ignore your real emotions for so long before sh*t hits the fan.
4. You can end up getting used. When you have sex with your ex, they basically get to have their cake and eat it too. They get sex without commitment. It might be the ideal situation for them, but is it really what YOU want? Who’s to say they aren’t going out and banging someone else the minute they leave your place?
5. You’re now sleeping with everyone else they are sleeping with. If your ex has started seeing other people, now you run a greater risk of STD’s and all that crazy stuff. Hopefully, both you and your ex always practice safe sex with every partner, but in this day and age you just never know.
If you really want to sleep with your ex, you can make that choice. Just know it’s not the solution to your relationship problems, and it won’t be the reason they take you back after a breakup.